This past week one of my very best friends got married. All of us groomsmen were staying at a house with him, and most of our evenings we eventually ended up sitting around the back porch talking about life. For us, these conversations will inevitably turn to our faith every time. We absolutely are the sort of guys who talk sports and tell funny stories, but we are also the kind of guys who then turn to theology and philosophy and try to make sense out of the things of this world through a little bit of arguing and a lot discussion.
On one particular night, we turned to a discussion of the ideas of St. Theresa of Avila (that picture to the right is a famous image of her experience with the Lord) and others like her, including Thomas Aquinas, where they like to talk about our disposition to receiving the Lord's grace in terms of us being vessels of various sizes. While this was a fun conversation that went in a bunch of different directions, there was one specific comment I've been reflecting on.
When talking about ourselves as thistles or steins (smaller or larger containers), one of my friends commented that sometimes he's happy that he's only a thistle, because then he gets the feeling of overflowing with the Lord's love, which he would have to work a lot harder to feel if he was converted enough to be like a stein. If this is confusing, let me lay it out a little bit more: many saints talk about how we all have a capacity to receive grace, and as we become more and more converted to the Lord our capacity grows and grows, mostly because we have undergone penance and converted ourselves more to the Lord. What that means, then, is that for someone who is still only a thistle in the spiritual life, they will experience God in an overwhelming sense more easily than someone who is now a stein or a large bucket, who has to work much harder because small consolations from God are not what they seek anymore.
With that explanation, then, you can see what my friend was saying: why would I want to stop being a thistle? I'd much rather just feel the Lord overflow very often out of my thistle. If I convert, if I step away from sin more, than I'm going to realize how much more I need to convert, and it's going to be much harder for me to be consoled and feel that overflow. It's great that the saints are so holy, we might say, but I really like just being happy in my faith as I am. Because I have often felt the very exact thing my friend was feeling at that moment, I probably responded quite harshly.
"That's garbage," I think I said.
You see, if we remain as a thistle when the Lord wants us to be a cup (or a stein or a bucket or an ocean), than we are not living the way we are supposed to. If God wants to give us abundant life (John 10:10--He does), then who are we to settle for just a small overflow of a small vessel? Abundance doesn't ever mean stopping with what is enough; abundance means stepping out to seek more.
Since my friend usually reads this blog, I find it important to state something really quickly here-this man is one of the holiest that I know, and this blog isn't about how he sucks and we all need to be better. This blog is about how each of us struggles with wanting to be comfortable with the Lord, and with not growing in our faith simply because the place we're at right now feels pretty good. Our God doesn't want us to be pretty good. Our God wants us to overflow with His love so much that we can't stop until live for Him more, until we know Him more, until we accept Him more, until we turn away from sin more, until we're converted more, and until we're able to give our entire lives to the Lord. When we have been more converted, we'll have to work harder to experience His love as overflowing, but the overflow will be a much more wonderful experience than when we overflowed from our small vessel.
All of this happened because some friends and I were sipping on some bourbon on a back porch and discussing our love for the Lord (I mean it when I say sipping-we're quite responsible, but also very much enjoy bourbon). I hope I don't settle for being a thistle, and I hope you don't either. Let's allow our God to convert us into the ocean of His love and mercy that we were made to be.
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