Starting Lent with Purpose

It was an average day in Gaming, Austria-well, other than being Ash Wednesday, that is. The students shuffled into 12:00pm Mass as usual, although an abnormal amount had found time to come this day. Mass began, and Fr. Seraphim was saying Mass, which was exciting.

The Gospel is read, and we sit. Fr. Seraphim, always a relatively serious man, begins in a more serious tone than normal: "Why are you here?" We look around ("is he talking to someone in particular?"). He reiterates: "Why are you here?" (now we realize it's to all of us, and we begin to squirm). He stares at us with a type of intensity most people reserve for arguments with people they don't particularly care for.

And then he begins. He labels exactly what was happening, why were all there--we wouldn't dare miss Mass on Ash Wednesday because everyone would know that we skipped for an early lunch by the glaring lack of a black smudge on our forehead. We wanted to make sure everyone that saw us knew that we did what we were "supposed" to, that we went to Mass, that we got our ashes. He then tells us he might not give ashes, because we had all missed the point. We weren't there to receive ashes as a sign that we were repentant sinners, acknowledging that we are dust, that we need to turn away from our sin, but that we cannot do that without the cross, which we must accept.

And after a few minutes of expanding on this, he walked away. And he did give us ashes; not because we wanted them, but rather because we needed them. We needed the sign of humility that is the ashes, the sign that we are sinners, and should be seen as so.

With that, our Lent began with a bang. We were no longer giving things up because it was easy or just something you do. We were sacrificing. We were fasting. We were rending our hearts, not our garments, and turning to the God who desired our salvation, but needed us to repent of our sins because He loved us too much to force His love on us.

Every year since, my Lent begins with that reflection. What is my purpose here? Am I fasting to fulfill an obligation, or to let go of myself and fall more madly in love with the One who created me, gives me life, and loved me to the point of death? I hope it's the latter, and I pray that I may never forget why I do these things.